Don't carry ghosts. That shit is too heavy, trust me.

Loosing someone close to you is tough. Trying to press on without them is even tougher.

If you really want to make it harder on yourself, try carrying the weight of that loss with you every day. Personally, I'll always carry the ones I've lost in my heart, but I've learned after years to never let their ghosts ride on my shoulders. Our memories keep us warm and human, but ghosts carry a weight that can grind us to halt when you least expect it and you'll be back to square one before you even know it.

I've personally experienced the loss of teammates and friends on multiple occasions. Each time only seemed to be worse than the last. Each time also brought a list of new emotions and questions in my mind. In almost every instance, I felt like another piece of myself had just died too and an overwhelming sense of obligation to push on in a way I thought they would want me to. That's a very common feeling too many experience, but it's also a very unrealistic one.

It's hard loosing big pieces of our life. It hurts; it brings up memories and makes us question all our past decisions. One of the biggest fog's you can get stuck in is trying to navigate the rest of your life for anyone but yourself, though. So why do so many of us do it?

I think the answer is simpler than allot of us think. Nobody wants to let go of the people they love. So, what do we do? We remember them. We have rooms with all their pictures, we have get togethers on special days to talk about them, we give children their names, we hold anniversaries tight and we even plan life goals that we think would make them proud. And what do we do during all this? We carry them with us every step of the way. There's a problem with all that, though.

A life lived can never replace a life lost. I know that sounds cold, but it's a truth some of us need to hear. Our lives can only ever be our own, and yet, so many of us have tried to live them for someone else, usually, in an effort to hang onto them. It's not hard to understand. We experienced a great loss, suffered great pain, navigated through deep grief and we want something to hold onto that brings closure to our story. However, what happens when the quest for resolution becomes destructive to our own relationships and wellbeing?

I'm going to say it as plain as I can, from personal experience and true from the heart; Don't try to carry ghosts. That shit is too heavy, and it will only ever be an anchor in your life that holds you down. I know it's hard to swallow, but I'm a very good example of where it leads. Your reading a grown man's blog who has to talk about his feelings to the world from his keyboard. If that isn't enough of a warning, you might need more than anything I can tell you.

When the man next to you falls, don't look back. Otherwise, you might be next. That concept might get you home from war, but it won't stop you from crying in your beer years later. Still, so many of us try to "hold the line" and live our lives back in "the world" to some standard that falls in line with the people we lost. This isn't just true for teammates, it's true for brothers, sisters, fathers, mothers, children and widows.

I myself am the son of a dead Pararescueman. You can't tell me that didn't play a role in my journey into battlefield medicine. Still, one of the best things we can all do is get back to "our lives" and not to the ones that we think we should be living for the lost. When we're buried in grief it's an easy idea to forget.

It's a hard idea to swallow, an issue that most don't even realize they have and a fog that can keep you lost for a long time if you let it. So many of us think we "owe it" to the ones we lost. I would challenge you all to remember that you actually owe it to yourself. I can't speak for my readers, but I know my teammates and family would want me to travel the path that betters my own life. Deep down, I think anyone you might be holding onto might want you to do the same. If they were worth loving, I think they would love you back enough to want to see your happiness? That's not crazy, is it?

All in all, I understand more than anyone where this comes from. Sometimes, I think the reason why so many of us never set our ghosts down is because we were afraid that would be the day we truly loose them. The day they're really gone.

I'm personally guilty of this. I put off being treated for my own issues with survivor's guilt. Now, looking back, I know it's because the day all my issues stopped is also the day my friends are really gone. I lost them once, but now, years later, I would have to lose them again and forever if I got better, moved forward and started healing from my experiences. However, I truly feel it would be cowardly not to.

I've said this so many times, I'm not unique. It was almost twenty years of war. Two decades...We all have ghosts. We all also have to ground ourselves at some point and remember that we are not ghosts. We made it. We're still here, living to tell the tale, loving the people we wake up with and pushing forward for ourselves. Deep down, that's really what they wanted for us anyway, wasn't it?

I'll advise you all as so, in good conscience and faith, keep them warm and in your hearts, not heavy and on your shoulders. They loved us too and they would never want to weigh us down. They would want to lift us up.

Be careful about carrying ghosts, y'all. It could last so long, you might forget what it's like to walk without all the extra weight.